January 29, 2013

Brian was gone for 4 short days this weekend and it was as if reality punched me in the face.  William would go from room to room multiple times throughout the day and say Dada? Dada?  Where Dada?  Like I was hiding him or something.  Naptime and bedtime started to get rough.  He wouldn't sleep without a picture of Brian positioned next to him in the bed.  Now that Brian is home, he wants Brian to lay down next to him as if Brian will vanish again if he isn't right there.  It really breaks my heart to see Will go through this, and I know this just the beginning.  I want to make sure that I am the strongest I can be for him and Brian during this time.  It is definitely not easy.  I have so many stressors already, that I am starting to feel weighted down.

On top of teaching classes at MCC and being a graduate assistant, I am also taking 3 graduate level courses and looking for full time work.  It is a lot and I know I can do it.  I just need to be patient and take care of myself.

Here is the information that I found out after this weekend:

• They are still MOB at the end of April, but the going away ceremony is probably on 3 days prior to the MOB date and he can't come home after that... doesn't that make MOB 3 days earlier... ugh!
• They will be at Ft. Bliss, TX for about 2 or so months months and prior to leaving the states he will be granted a 4 day leave to come and visit.
• They are going to be stationed at the Air force Base in Afghanistan running the corrections facility there and training Afghani's on how to run the facility on their own.
• Brian thinks he is going to be incredibly bored... I told him that I would rather he be bored than me be worried
• Hoping to gain more insight at the yellow ribbon informational weekend in a few weeks!

As always, keep us in your prayers and know that we are fine...

January 25, 2013

Yesterday afternoon Brian drove down to Worcester, MA to take the bus to reserve center in Middletown, CT where the 344th headquarters are.  This is the first of many trainings until his mobilization.  This training is mostly filling out paperwork and making sure that the military has all the health records, financial information, etc. that they need moving forward.  Hopefully he will at least have his transfer orders when he comes home, but with the military it is a lot of hurry up and wait.

When Brian texted last night, he filled me in on some information as he got an email from the training sergeant.  I really felt as he was giving me the information that it was deja vu from his last deployment.  He, along with the 344th will be mobilizing at the end of April in Fort Bliss, TX.  Like last time, they will have 60+ days of training prior to deployment.  It looks like they head out in July, but will be granted a 4 day leave prior to exiting the country.  They are heading to Afghanistan (although this could change prior to them leaving).  He will be gone a year.  I know more specifics, but for the safety of the troops, I refuse to share it.

Will and I are looking forward to Brian getting home on Sunday.  Will was looking for his Dada this morning.  He walked into the guest room after not finding him in our bedroom and said, "Dada here, Dada this."  I know this means he misses him.  I had to explain to him that Dada was training to fight the bad guys so we would be safe.  This is not an easy task with a 2-year-old.  I know that he doesn't really get it, but someday he will.

I have already been brainstorming ideas for William while Brian is gone:

• Until We Hug Again Bear (http://www.hallmark.com/until-we-hug-again/)
• Recordable Storybooks (http://www.hallmark.com/recordable-storybooks/)
• I'm going to have Brian make a video message for Will that I can play him
• I'm going to take a picture of Will and laminate it.  Brian will take it with him and take photos wherever he goes and Will can see pictures of himself with his Dada while they are apart. (It is like a flat stanley, but not).

Not only will these be things to help Will deal with the separation from Brian, but it will give Brian the peace of mind that he is still apart of Will's daily life.  I think I might make a book of all the pictures that Brian takes of the pictures with Will so that we can have record.  I am also brainstorming things to do for Brian while he is gone.  Not going to write them here, but would love more suggestions.  My friend, Heather, pinned some deployment ideas on Pinterest for me.

Have a great weekend and stay warm!

January 22, 2013

The thing that scares me the most with Brian going away is that our communication will fall apart even more.  For those of you who have husbands that communicate with you, I envy you more than you will ever know.  My husband is not a big talker.  He doesn't like to share his feelings and hates conflict.  I know, right, he hates conflict and is a police officer.  Funny choice of careers for someone that will avoid conflict at all cost.  I guess what it really boils down to is my husband hates conflict at home.  Being his wife of four years, you'd think I would know this, but NOPE, this information just became known to me.  I thought that when I asked him for his opinion, I was truly getting his thoughts, not the whatever you want version.  But it turns out that I have been getting the whatever you want version so it was a shock to me when my husband shared some things with me. 

So long story, short... I am TERRIFIED that all work on our communication will take a backseat for the next year, and I know that I cannot survive that AGAIN.  The first tour was barely bearable, but it was just me so I had things to distract me.  Now it is Will and I and I won't have as much distraction as I did last time... sure I'll be busy, but I won't be able to shut my brain off from our relationship for any amount of time because I have my husbands mini me sleeping down the hall... so what am I to do...

Last time while he was gone...
-I bought a house and did renovations
-I got a tattoo
-I went out with my friends ALL the time
-I took a trip to Greece
-I avoided a lot

This time, a majority of the above isn't possible... so I need to think of some things that will be good distractions and to keep me busy...  suggestions would be much appreciated.

-I hope to have a full time job before he leaves.
-I hope to go to PA with Dawn for the summer.
-I hope to do much needed weeding of STUFF at our house
-I  hope to paint the guest room (Will's future room when baby #2 comes... don't hold your breath)
-I hope to get closer to finishing my CAGS.
-I hope to do a better job at sending letters and packages to my husband overseas and come up with different things for my son to send him.
-I hope to lose all the extra weight I have been carrying around and get back into shape.
-I hope to be able to stay calm and be everything my son wants and needs while I am his only care taker.
-I hope I can keep the lines of communication open on my side of things...

I have a lot of hopes for this coming year... just hope my brain and body will all me to do it all and more.

January 18, 2013

I started this blog during Brian's last deployment and didn't do a good job at keeping up with it.  It has only be a little under 3 years since Brian came home from Iraq.  A lot has changed since then and a lot has remained the same. 

We gave birth to our son, William Ryan Martel on December 10, 2010 and he is two years old.  I got pregnant when Brian was home on leave during his last tour so we had a lot to adjust to when he came home on May 31, 2010.  William is a bright two year old who loves playing with trains and trucks.  I think if the world only contained these two things that he would be extremely happy. While he loves his Mama very much, he is definitely his Daddy's boy.  They are definitely two peas in a pod and I love watching them together.  William receives speech services once a week since this past fall and continue to improve immensely.  We also discovered that William appears to have a gluten intolerance and have removed gluten from his diet.  We have seen growth in him since this.

Brian continues to work for Loudon Police Department full time and picked up a part time job working for MVM securities.  They perform security for all the state and federal buildings.  Since coming home, Brian finished his Associates degree from NHTI in Criminal Justice in the spring 2012.  He was inducted into Pi Betta Kappa prior to graduation.  This month, Brian enrolled at Granite State College to continue his education in Criminal Justice.  He hopes to receive a Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice Administration.  Brian switched his MOS after returning from Iraq.  He transferred from the 325th Transportation Company out of Brockton, MA to the 94th Military Police Company in Londonderry, NH.  While we are waiting for his MOS paperwork change to go through, he is fully trained as Military Police.  He is still an E6 (staff sergeant) in the active reserves. 

I left my teaching job at the end of the 2009/2010 school year to focus on being a Mom and a wife.  My unemployment status was only supposed to last for one year, but due to the economy and numerous qualified teachers, I have been unable to return to my field.  I currently work part-time as an adjunct professor at both Nashua and Manchester Community colleges.  I also work 20 hours a week as a graduate assistant in the Educational Resource Center at Rivier University.  In the summer of 2011 I went back to school to pursue my degree in School Psychology.  In my free time I am continuously applying for full time work and try to balance the budget.  Unfortunately, I am having about as much luck as the federal government. 

I'm sure many of you are wondering why I am starting this blog up again.  There are many reasons, but the honest truth is I need somewhere to write and express my thoughts and feelings.  My  husband just received notice that he is deploying again.  He and 9 other soldiers from from the 94th have been transferred to the 344th Military Police Company out of Middletown, CT and are set to mobilize on April 23, 2013.  This will be my husband's third deployment, the second since we have been married.  I have a lot of mixed emotions and am terrified on the impact this will have on my husband, our son and our marriage.  Reintegration was difficult the first time and I know it won't be any easier this time.  I know we have to learn from our mistakes and communicate, but there is so much more to lose this time.  Now that we have a child, thoughts change and different priorities take place.  This deployment, the focus shifts from me to my child.  Don't get me wrong, I will still focus on myself and my husband, but my child will be my priority.  I am very thankful that we have the next three months to prepare for this deployment as we have a lot to accomplish in this short time. 

Please keep us in your prayers.